OK, well its been a while but the straw bale extension is finished and our main bedroom is finished so here is how it looks.-
The ‘straw bale’ bedroom, clay plaster whitewashed with lime wash and an earthen floor.
This -
Now looks like this -
Main Bedroom just finished today -
With handmade Shoji wardrobe-
Next to finish off is the lounge, kitchen and dining room.
Image via Wikipedia
(Translation – : Why we occupy. Capitalism creates money out of thin air and it is convenient to the system to keep the citizens not informed, that it is easy with lack education. Don’t fool yourself with economic growth, it only going to make the rich richer and the poor poorest.)
The past couple of years has laid bare the inequalities of Capitalism, in Europe and America there are protests at the way Governments work for the benefit of the so called 1% at the cost to the 99%, the poor are getting poorer, the rich are getting richer and yet, apart from a handful of countries, the world still embraces capitalism as the best way to conduct business.
When protesters are asked what they actually want, on the whole, they complain of the unfairness of the system.
So what is a fair system?
A system where one man works and has to pay tax so that another man can sit around all day and get benefits? Or a system where there is a job for everyone and everyone has the same wages? Or maybe a system where everyone has the same chances in life and no one is too big to fail?
I do not believe life is fair so how could we have an economic system that is workable in a free society and yet is fair to all those in that society with all the diverse needs, hopes and dreams that drives the humanity in that society?
Let us take a look at fairness -
Below is a table of cost in resources if the whole world’s population lived the lifestyle of each of these countries.
• United States 4.6 Earths
• Canada 3.4 Earths
• United Kingdom 2.6 Earths
• Japan 2.4 Earths
• Germany 2.0 Earths
• Russia 1.8 Earths
• Mexico 1.6 Earths
• Costa Rica 1.1 Earths
• India 0.4 Earths
So when, for example we look at the UK we can see that if the whole world’s population were to live the lifestyle of an average UK citizen we would-
a, have to find another 1.6 earths or
b, kill off over half the world’s population!
The importance of the table is to realize that a country’s available resources is directly linked to a country’s economy. So when the UK government talk of the need for growth, they mean they need to utilize the resources they have available (which will come from all over the world) and turn those resources into wealth.
So where is the unfairness in that? As we can see, the UK lifestyle needs to be cut by over a half to be resource sustainable, obviously this has not happened, what is happening is that the UK is using the resources of poorer countries to sustain it’s lifestyle.
Of course some wealth is exchanged for those resources but to whom does it pay? Certainly not the ordinary citizen.
For example a young mother in the UK can buy her 10 year old daughter a t-shirt for school sports for a couple of pounds completely oblivious to the fact that the cotton was picked and processed by 10 year old children who will never have the chance of an education let alone be wealthy enough to spend a couple of pounds on an occasional t-shirt.
(India 0.4 Earths)
This is the unfairness of capitalism, not the obscene wealth of the 1% but the obscene poverty that needs to exist so that other’s wealth can be created.
In Part 2 I shall discuss the seed of an alternative to Capitalism as it is today
So they have done it, I cant believe the cheek of it but they have really gone and done it.
For some reason the words ‘Rome’ ‘Fiddling”Burning Down’ come to mind, I mean after all it was once the seat of the Roman Empire, Italy’s chief law makers, their new Cabinet is made up entirely of technocrats, not one, democratically voted in MP!!
And who are these technocrats? ex Bankers, leaders of Global Corporations and Economists!!
Pardon me for thinking out aloud but isn’t that the same collective of professions who created the financial crisis?
So let me get my old brain around this, some very rich people got worried they would not be paid back the money they had lent Italy, why? because Italy’s growth is rubbish which meant that Italy would have to borrow more money to pay back the loans, so to solve this problem the ‘market’ (who el hell is ‘the market’ anyway ??) raised the interest rates so high it has made it impossible for Italy to borrow more to repay what it already owes, still with me??
Well let us put that another way a group of very rich people want their money back and being very powerful people they have removed Italy’s Democratically voted Government and put in their own ex Bankers, leaders of Global Corporations and Economists!!
It is a shame that Pension Companies are not so powerful because reducing ordinary workers pension rights is one way this band of financial terrorists now ruling Italy are going to raise the funds to repay those very rich people, of course interest rates are so low, (to help the banks) that ordinary ‘Joes’ like you and me have no way of saving for our future, or do we?
Well cans of soup would be a good investment, food just goes up in price, just think how much you will save in a few years time every time you break out another old rusty can of Heinz Tomato Soup!
So there are two ways to solve el Financial crisis, there is the 1% way and then there is the 99% way, all we had for the past few years is how to solve the 1%’s problems what about us 99%?
OK I am going to make this nice and simple, while removing every mechanism for growth, Politicians tell us that growth is the key to the problem, what they are really saying is we are going to remove any 99% wealth we can get our hands on and blame you 99% for not being as productive and cheap as workers in China.
So here is my cunning plan for us 99% to solve our financial crisis, buy silver and gold coins, maybe even copper coins as well and all you plumbers, mechanics, shop keepers etc, let us all use the silver, gold and copper coins to do our transactions. No I do not mean going back to a Gold backed currency I mean let us use the actual precious metal as currency. The thing is then it will not matter what is happening with our paper currencies, our ’99%’ currency of precious metals will be far harder for the government and the bankers to manipulate, far harder for them to ‘remove’ from us. And as more and more people use the precious metal currency the value of those coins will rise, forget paper money inflation where your paper continually buys less, the precious metal currency will just buy more until it levels out at its natural value.
El thing is it is a pipe dream the idea that ‘growth’ will solve the financial crisis, why?, well for growth you need cheap resources and I am afraid the days of cheap resources are over. It is obvious that though we may need growth for the 1% way, what we really need is economic shrinkage, no debt and a standard of life that uses less but satisfies more.
We are naturally going into a period of economic shrinkage, let us not fight it, let us face up to it and embrace it.
If I ruled the world I would be setting up groups of folks to look into real economic sustainability, we could have it, but at a lower standard of living which could easily be arranged to actually give us a better standard of life.
The first step is to just let the Bankers, leaders of Global Corporations and Economists do their thing with their trillions and us 99% step out of their currency into our own separate currency!
The next chapter.
So I am sat in the waiting room of the May Davidson eating disorder unit at the Warnford psychiatric hospital waiting for my first appointment at an adult psychiatric hospital. It has taken me over half an hour to get to this building. The first reason being that I couldn’t find it and no one on reception seemed to know where it was either and two because once I did find out where it was it took ages for me to get there because the hospital is so secure each door has to be opened for you by a member of staff on an intercom, even to the extent of calling for the door to be open at one end of the corridor and then calling again when you get to the other end for them to open the next one. So every time I took a wrong turn or went to the wrong unit it took an eternity to be let back out again!
If I am brutally honest I enjoyed getting lost because I wanted to see if I could find some patients, I was convinced that I would see some strange behaviour, you know like you see on the films like on one flew over the cuckoo’s nest; Straight jackets, people rocking and people talking to themselves. But I didn’t, I couldn’t tell the patients from the staff.
So I am sat in the waiting room of the May Davidson unit which was quite frankly the size of a shoe box. The walls are white, the ceilings are white and the chairs are white. There is a big black book on the table for people to write their comments in,
Comment: You have a sign in reception saying you offer fresh drinking water, Where is it?Reply: someone has stolen the water cooler…
Comment: We know we are mental why do you insist on putting mental health posters up in here? Why don’t you put up some paintings?
Reply: We will take your idea of some art on the walls into consideration, thank you
Comment: It is so small in here my knee’s are touching the knee’s of the person in the chair opposite.
Reply: Unfortunately we have to make do with the space that is available to us.
I was so engrossed in this hilarious comment book that I almost didn’t notice the overweight balding man with gravy down his shirt stood in the door way of the waiting room. Wow. I have finally come across a ‘mental patient’
“ Carlee Loveday, Hi, I’m Dr Sculler, Your Psychologist!”
…..O dear!
So I’m shown to a room with ‘My psychologist’ and he gets his pad and pen out and starts a clinical interview and asks me to fill out a CORE measure questionnaire which is simply a questionnaire on how you are feeling for them to determine if you are a risk to yourself or others.
I scored 7 which is a relatively high score of the CORE measurements but he was sure that although I scored quite high I was not a risk to myself or anyone else.
He asked if I had suffered from any traumatic incidents in my passed, any forms of abuse or had seen anyone else experience a traumatic incident or form of abuse, I said I hadn’t because I hadn’t and you almost get this sense of confusion from him as if I must have had suffered some sort of irregular childhood for me to be sat here now with the problems I do.
He then asks me what I do for a living and what I do would like to do in the future,
I tell him I am a hairdresser and that I am studying for a degree in psychology
And I see his face and I know what he is going to say…
‘Carlee you have come here today and you look more then presentable with your hair done and your make-up on, You are a hairdresser and you are ¾’s of the way through a degree in psychology, You are a strong minded and strong willed young woman and I see no reason why you cannot conquer these issues if you put your mind to it, I will offer you a trial period of cognitive behaviour therapy although to put it bluntly you have already received such treatment twice in your life time so the chances of it working this time is questionable, you will be put on a 12 month waiting list…again, but don’t get your hopes up for a quick result as like I say we can only offer you what you have already done and it was unsuccessful.’
Although I had told him I don’t sleep for days on end, that I have eaten nothing but pasta, bread and potatoes for as long as I can remember, that I will hibernate most of the winter for the fear of catching a winter illness, That I cannot go near my boyfriends nieces and nephews because children carry germs, that I bleach my hands over and over until they bleed, that the panic attacks rule my life and that I don’t know what logical thinking is anymore, what is real and what’s not… Its too late.. I have just crossed the unwritten rule of psychiatric units, If you are functioning day to day reasonably ok without too much harm to yourself or others then you are not a priority and so you wait….
I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to tell him I haven’t been waiting 12 months for this appointment I have been waiting my whole life and now I have to wait enough year! My life is in his hands, Me getting better and being able to get married and have children and do what normal people do is in his hands and he has taken it away and I hate him for it. I wanted to stamp my feet and scream and cry and tell him that I wanted him to make me better now, that I can’t take another day of being me and just because I am wearing make up and have my hair done nice doesn’t mean I’m not broken on the inside. But instead like the softy I am, I smile say thank you and walk out knowing that my last chance of getting better doesn’t seem as promising as it did before I came and see him,
I go home, get into bed with my clothes on and cry and Angel stays by my side for hours doing her best to make me feel better, she even brings me her vibrating mouse that moves along the floor when you pull his tail!
So I am laid in bed feeling sorry for myself and I receive a text message from my next door neighbour Joe who I have been friends with forever ‘Hey Hood Mouse, Have they sectioned you?’
I smile, wipe my panda eyes off and go out and meet him and carry on where I left off before my trip to the Warnford.
I receive a letter a week later from Dr.Sculler which he is sending to my Doctor to inform her of what happened at the appointment and has forwarded a copy to me.
This is some of the content;
‘ I am aware of Carlee’s mental history involving long spells of treatment at the park hospital and high field units for treatments of anorexia nervosa and mediated by obsessional fear of contamination.’
‘Risk history, Carlee’s risk is inherent in past self starvation and likely hood of this occurring again. She denies using alcohol or drugs and recent drugs test’s prove this to be correct. She scored a severely high score of 7 on the Core measure questions but was adament she had no plans to harm herself or other people although admits to have taken very dangerous risks with her health in the form of starvation.
‘She is in her own word’s ‘soft’ with people and I feel she could be in some way exploited and controlled by people because of this.’
‘It seems a reasonable assumption that Carlee is shielded by people that care for her of bad things because of her mental state which has consequently resorted to Carlee growing up as a very under confident, threat sensitive young woman who finds it hard to trust people, she needs to be encouraged to face her fears and to toughen up a bit. I have agreed to put carlee on a waiting list for therapy but regrettably is another significant wait for her.’
What’s happening now?
I passed my driving test a month ago and I am hoping that this will help me get out and about a bit more without the fear of contamination of other people, Although so far I Haven’t been confident enough to do much driving!
The other students at my University are currently spending 6 months doing psychological experiments in Brighton, I was unable to attend due to my issues and have to do a online version by myself whilst they are gone, I will then be starting a child development course in January.
I am awaiting a visit from my doctor next week for more blood tests as I have a severe lack of something or another and its causes a itchy rash all over my body that is driving me crazy, I look as if I have flea’s!!
These passed years have taught me not to judge anyone by what they look like on the outside because you really have no clue what’s going on inside!!
There is a way to relieve the pain of depression, instantly.
I have known about it for years and have used it many times, it not only has the ability to bring joy but it has a strange effect on one’s personality that somehow draws good things to one’s life.
I have rarely written or spoken about it because I have no idea how it can possibly work or really how I could possibly explain it for others to try but I am going to attempt to tell you here how to get to the Diamond.
Yoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gong etc all have one thing in common, the breathing. One is told to take the breath down to the stomach, to breath in and fill the stomach and then as one breaths out one pulls the stomach in , squeezing the air out.
It is physically impossible to get air into the stomach and if you did you would not be exhaling from your mouth or nose !! But we do not tell our esteemed instructors that our lungs are not connected to our stomachs, neither do we exhale through our colons in front of the yoga class!
I am trying to make a point here that from now on, trying to stay logical as you read what I am about to say will not help you understand what I am trying to say, speaking in terms like “fill the stomach with air” which actually does ring true because that is what it feels like, is, in fact, the only chance I have of explaining how to get to the Diamond.
I will start by trying to explain what the Diamond is. When we are happy or joyful there is a wholeness about us, a freedom, it is not contrived, the Diamond is more of a contrived joy, that is not to say it is not real but a good analogy would be those performers who balance spinning plates on sticks, without manipulating the stick the plate will go all wobbly and fall and yet with just a little manipulation the plate begins to spin in perfect balance.
I make no claims this is a cure for depression, and if one can think of real happiness and joy as a plate spinning in mid air with no stick supporting it, the person with depression may be thinking they have as much chance of being happy as a plate defying the laws of gravity, but if the plate is real happiness, is it so wrong to start it off supported by stick?
The Diamond feels to me like it resides mid way between the throat and the navel, it feels like a tickle, butterflies, like the relieving touch of one who loves you, an exhilaration that makes one feel alive and it makes you smile, a lot!
So let us try and get to the diamond, I want you to accept there is a diamond in your chest, mid way between your throat and and your navel, it is dull and lifeless at this point, we need to feed it with air, literaly to blow it up into a full shining star inside our chest. Breath deeply, with every breath imagine the energy from that life you are breathing in is filling your diamond.
Now here is the bit that I just do not have the words to describe exactly but you have to take that imagined energy and manufacture the joy from it. It is a physical process, though only a split second process, you have to discover for yourself there is that door to open to replace emptiness or pain with the contrived joy.
I would give one tip, at first it might be helpful to try this while listening to some music that effects one emotionally, uplifting dance music worked for me.
For me it is like a fire of ‘feelgood’ that grows in my chest spreads to my arms and shoulders and temples but it is a fire that has to be stoked, as soon as one stops consciously stoking the diamond the ‘tickle’ goes away but not the effects.
The effects of the diamond I offer here for your information, I doubt many, if any, will believe what I am about to say, I have used the diamond, inducing the feeling of joy to dance all night at raves without drugs, I have used the diamond to get a bank loan, I have used the diamond in a job interview and got the job, I have even used the diamond to play chess. The Diamond is part of the ‘The Map’ story I chose not to put into The Map self help tool because it is unverifyable but I would like to end by quoting the little I have written about the Diamond .
“I have already tried to explain the Diamond, but maybe like the chess game I do not have the words and maybe all the correct words could block attaining the Diamond and maybe it is a different feeling for everyone, maybe this is all I should say, imagine relaxed joy, feel it as a force, smile, close your eyes and feel, don’t think.”
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